


Let Her Cry

by NoSaneMan



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alcoholism, Angst, Just angst, M/M, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-06 03:23:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21219755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoSaneMan/pseuds/NoSaneMan
Summary: Patrick falls off the wagon, Jonny is there to pick him up, coach takes him back to rehab.There is no happy ending here.





	Let Her Cry

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for depression, alcoholism, absolute sadness.
> 
> This is based off of the song Let Her Cry by Hootie and the Blowfish. I was listening to it in the car this morning and wrote this while I was supposed to be working. 
> 
> No beta, hopefully it isn't awful!

** _She sits alone by a lamp post, tryin' to find a thought that escapes her mind_ **

Jonny found him slumped against the building, just outside the front door. Patrick couldn't find his keys and had fumbled out a text to Jonny to come get him, too ashamed to face Greg, their door man. 

Patrick's shirt was wet, with what Jonny hoped was spilt beer and not vomit. His head was listing to one side showing off a long expanse of Patrick's neck. His skin was covered in day old stumble. His shoelaces were untied on his converse and his phone was on the pavement in front of him. Everything from his messy curls to his beat up shoes made Jonny's heart sink. 

Somehow, Patrick had snuck out of the U.C. locker room before Jonny could catch up with him and take him home. After all their time together, Patrick also knew to turn off _Find my iPhone_ before he tried to lose Jonny for a night. 

Jonny's heart was tight as he squatted down in front of Patrick, gently tapping his knee. 

"Hey Pat, it's me." Jonny whispered, not wanting to shock him. The Chicago morning, as midnight had already come and gone, was chilly. Patrick was clearly cold, with goosebumps running up his exposed arms, but too wasted to notice. Jonny's breath formed white wisps between them in the morning air.

Patrick's eyes tried to focus on Jonny's face, the effort was obviously difficult for him. 

"Jonny, you came for me," he slurred, his head listing. 

"Yeah, Peeks, I got you," Jonny responded, the sadness in his voice washing over Patrick, but not registering. 

Tucking his arms under Patrick's, Jonny lifted him to a standing position. He wasn't too heavy for Jonny, but his desire to sit back down and fall asleep made walking him into their building difficult. 

Slowly, they shuffled past Greg, whose eyes were down, minding his own business. Jonny was eternally grateful that he could bring Patrick home without it being plastered across the morning news. 

"Sorry babe," Patrick mumbled into his ear as they fell together in the elevator, "just really needed a drink."

"I know Peeks," Jonny said, rubbing his hand across Patrick's forehead, brushing his curls to the side. "I know."

*

Once Jonny had tucked Patrick into bed, forcing him to drink a bottle of water, he shot off a few key text messages. One to Sharpy, to let him know that he had got Patrick safe back at home, one to Patrick's sponsor, and another to Jonny's mom.He knew she was up, worrying and waiting. 

He wasn't ashamed to admit he called his mom the moment he left the U.C. without Patrick."I'm worried mom, I hate knowing he's out there, no one watching over him." Jonny could never sleep until he knew Patrick was home, back in his arms. 

Almost right away his mom shot him a text back. _Glad sweetie. Talk in the morning._

The morning.

Jonny was not looking forward to waking up and dealing with the sad, ashamed, and hung over Patrick that would be curled in bed next to him. It almost hurt more the next morning, when they knew they would have to start again, reset, and attempt to fix the hurt they both felt. Loving an alcoholic was never what Jonny had imagined for himself, and his life. Never imagined it when he fell in love with the awkward, goofy, curly haired boy that played on his line. But he was in this, committed. He would always be there to pick up the pieces for Patrick. 

_ **She never lets me in, only tells me where she's been when she's had too much to drink** _

The sun was bright and filtered in through their curtains the next morning. Jonny took a deep breath, not ready to face this. 

Turning over, Jonny looked at his boyfriend. In his sleep Patrick was everything he loved. Soft, his skin slightly pink from the warmth of their room, and his curls laid over the pillow. On his face, he had a gentle smile. Moments like this reminded Jonny just what he was fighting for. He loved this man. 

Jonny placed a sweet kiss on Patrick's head, trying not to breath in the smell of stale booze and unbrushed teeth. 

Desperately, Jonny wanted them back on track and he wanted a sober Patrick to wake up next to.

He left their bed and went to get ready for the day. They had afternoon skate and Jonny was forever thankful for it.

Of course, coach knew about Patrick, how could he not? After the third time Patrick had shown up to the rink late and obviously hung over, Q had pulled him into his office. Next thing the team knew, Patrick was on the injury list and out for two weeks. 

That had been his first trip to rehab. Their relationship had been both new and old at the time. Through their time as rookies, they had hooked up on and off on the road, but they had made things official only a few weeks before. 

Really, Jonny had no idea what he had signed up for, but he couldn't leave, not with a heart this full of love. He just didn't know it would hurt this much. 

By the time Patrick had pulled himself from bed, showered away the smell of the night before, he was almost late for practice. Jonny was standing at the door, two coffees in hand and their bags at his feet. 

"Thanks" Patrick said, his ability to function when hung over made it infinitely easy to hide his drinking at first. 

It was halfway to the U.C., the car filled with soft music and awkward silence between them, when Jonny finally broached the subject of the night before. 

"What happened last night Peeks?" Jonny asked carefully, reaching over the console to grab Patricks hand. Patrick pulled his hand away and shoved it in his hoodie pouch. 

"Don't worry about it Jonny, I made it home okay," Patrick said, his defences raised. Jonny knew there was no point in fighting. Patrick never opened up to Jonny after a night out, only ever calling him from the curb, the steps of a club, or lost wandering Chicago in the cold morning hours. 

"I just missed you last night," Jonny said, keeping his eyes firmly on the road ahead. Afraid that if he looked into Patrick's eyes he would begin to cry. 

This was always the hardest part. Patrick would never tell Jonny what broke his sobriety, never let him in. 

Jonny also knew what came next. He would walk into Q's office before practice, tell him how he found their star player the night before. Pat would be put on the injury list and send immediately back to rehab. Jonny and Patrick both knew exactly how this practice was going to end. 

He just wished Patrick would talk to him. Tell him when he wanted a drink. Tell him what he needed. He just wanted to be there for him. 

Instead, he sat in silence next to him all the way to the U.C.

_ **I say that I don't care, I just run my hands through her dark hair, then I pray to God you gotta help me flyaway** _

After practice, coach Q was standing outside the locker room for Patrick. Jonny put on a brave face and trailed behind the two of them on the way to Q's office, desperately trying not to catch anyone's eye. This was hard enough to do alone. Jonny was just thankful that coach was on their side too. 

Once the door had closed behind them Patrick slumped into the corner, refusing to take a seat. 

"I just wanted one fucking drink," he said, his voice cracking ont he last word.His eyes were closed and Jonny knew that when they opened, tears would slip out. 

"I know kid," Q said, his stern voice dropping, replaced by a fatherly tone, "but you know the deal, and you know what happens next." 

Patrick nodded, his breath hitching as he began to sob, "I'm so fucking sorry."

"We know kid," Q said, "we know. I'll give you a minute Tazer, then I'll drive him myself." Q left with a nod in Jonny's direction, the door closing carefully behind him.

Jonny hung his head and began to sob the moment the latch clicked. He knew when he spoke his voice would waver and match the man he loved. 

Getting up from the chair and stepping in front of Patrick, Jonny reached out and ran his hands up his arms. He rested their foreheads together. 

"I'm sorry Jonny, I fucked up again," Patrick whimpered, his fingers gripping into Jonny's upper arms. Patrick buried his face into Jonny's neck.

"I don't care Peeks," Jonny said, his voice muffled by Patrick's hoodie. They were both crying, apologizing for everything without having to say the words. "I just want you better baby, so we can go home."

Patrick nodded, his tears soaking into Jonny's sweater. "I'm gonna get better, I promise."

No matter how many relapses he had, Jonny always believed Patrick, always knew he would try. For them. 

"I love you, just come home okay?" Jonny cried. He clawed himself closer, burying his fingers in the sweaty curls at the base of Patrick's skull. He held him close, pouring all his love out between his arms, praying that Patrick could feel it. 

It felt like seconds, but Q finally popped his head back into the room. 

"Come on Kaner, they're waiting for you."

In silence, they pulled apart. Jonny left a kiss on Patrick's forehead before he left and followed Q out of the office. 


End file.
